LSD Experience

2:30 PM: Took 25 mcg Lysergic acid diethyl amide to test more

exactly its qualities as a short-run euphoriant and mood-transforming

drug. This followed a dose of 15 mg. dl-desoxyephedrine, taken

approximately at 2:45, the effects of which might well alter those of

the LSD. The purpose of this experiment was to verify the possibility

of directing small doses of LSD into short, non-anxiety states by a

previously administered mood-ameliorating chemical.

3:30: A familiar object in the room unexpectedly took on erotic

undertones. This was all the more surprising, since no other

noticeable effects had as yet occurred. It also seemed that colors,

though no brighter, were subjectively more striking, although this

may have been due to suggestion.

The first definite symptoms of the drug were vegetative; at about

4:00, tenseness and sweating, with slight euphoria, began. By 5:00,

my mood became markedly altered, as I withdrew into a pensive,

dreamy state. A strange world of otherness, neither euphoric nor

dysphoric, ensued. It seemed that some unknown mode of reality lay

thinly hidden behind a veil, whose fabric I was not to penetrate. An

unearthly tranquility pervaded the scene outside: winter afternoon,

sunset; all splendid in the orange light of the waning day. Brick-reds

of houses, the rich grey of the cleared streets; pinks on the snow,

beneath a cool, pure-blue sky. Faint wisps of clouds in the far west, all

rose and mauve colored, suggestive of some far-off, mysterious land.

Everything etched in sharp, jewel-like clarity, inexpressibly beautiful,

calm and harmonious, as in a vision of ultimate, changeless Unity.

The sense of unknown meaning, distracted dreamlike withdrawal,

and nameless longing, almost devoid of emotion or feeling, made

the illusion of impending mystery all the more remarkable, as if one

were standing at some unthinkable Antipodes of human imagination,

beyond time and space, yet convinced of the harmony and beauty

of the experience. All of this recalled a childlike state of complete

humility, wonderment, and incomprehension.

Listening to “Tristan” excerpts, there suddenly arose in my imagination

the awareness of childhood recollections, trying to draw me back

against my will into their sinister magic. Memories of my old home

unexpectedly materialized and presented themselves as some sort of

death-wishes, viewed as a flood of overpowering, negative urges. The

music was powerfully suggestive, at the same time, of tragic-sublime

visions, in which death, beauty, tranquility and world-mystery were

inseparably united.

6:00: Took 25 mg. Thorazine. My state of detachment and deep

reflection lasted until approximately 6:45. No impairment of reason

or perception noted at any time, slight muscular tiredness remained

afterward.