LSD Experience
11:45: Took 75 mcg. Lysergic acid diethyl amide.
12:10: Ate lunch.
12:20: First physical symptoms; slight dizziness, weakness, mild
anxiety, narrowing of vision.
12:30: Definite signs of drug action. Ability to withdraw (into Self)
already beginning. Weakness of fingers while writing
.
12:45: Euphoria becoming pronounced.
1:05: Effects intense euphoria to consider in full course. Colors seem
more intense, bright, upon changing scene. (One adjusts gradually to
surroundings so as not to notice extra value of sensory perceptions.
Sudden change, however, is filled with novelty.)
1:15 to 1:40: Erotic sensations. Intense euphoria.
1:40: Took additional 25 mcg. Lysergic acid diethyl amide. Perceptual
changes very slight. Occasional pulse in wallpaper. Mostly withdrawn
state. Colors sometimes have halo. Things in periphery of vision seem
at times phosphorescent. Time seems to slightly lose meaning. Am
aware of time, yet it seems suspended and meaningless.
2:20: Very intense symptoms, euphoria. Still very little perceptual
changes, though all has a new beauty. White things have a violet
aura. Had “electric feelings” (noises and muscular twitchings . . .
all statically charged); slight parenthesis. Bizarre imagination. Can
“daydream” odd phantasmagoria. Ability to withdraw marked.
Slight brown-orange glow about fingers as I write. ** Produced
first hallucinations as burst of colored crystals, which subsided into a
whirling band of color, gradually coming to rest (Synaesthesia).
2:30: First kaleidoscopic color visions with eyes closed. Brilliant,
fantastic daydreams. Molten colors, lights, geometric forms. People
play a large part in visions. Brilliant pantomime gestures; flow of
color and matter. Still easy to return to normal if desire. No anxiety
whatsoever. Body tense.
To 3:15: Extraordinary vision of life, all pulsing with fire—Heraclitean
ultimate reality. Was one with cosmos; felt inner being radiant with
heat of a million suns. Cosmic dance. Became personified in human
forms. Persons then gradually became younger, as I regressed back
through womb, became one with eternal slime and sexual generation.
Was surrounded with swimming sperm-like animals. Felt self rising
through earth into new plants. Was one with all life and Being? Was
God, in God; slime of eternal fire bursting through everything. Pulse
of existence shattered into billion sparks of divine creative ecstasy.
Indescribable religious revelation. Am color, breath, substance of
million warm faces in vision. Some other hand writes. I merely look
on from Parnassus height. Oh! Beyond description! If other foolish
swine could know! Tongues of flame impressed upon every pulsating,
crystalline surface of Zenhaiku reality. Poem! Warm sex-beauty, loving
contours of life in every solid substance, yielding themselves blissfully
to each wave of undulating creativity. 3:40: Anxiety that children
will soon return. Am at height of ecstasy. Wonder—should I take
antidote to see how it works at such a peak? Fingernails look daubed
with red paint. Dynamic quality of vision imparted to everything in
room. This could go deeper. If I were L**, I’d be frightened. But I’m
myself, and my metaphysical enlightenment leads me to embrace this
chaotic vision of everything being drawn into the vortex of fire and
flame. This is ultimate reality. God!? I am God!
3:45: For scientific reasons, I will now take antidote, although I
don’t personally require one. Can hear crickets chirping—am back
in childhood scene—Summer evening—this most unusual! I’m just
getting hang of really projecting myself into past. Can dream anything,
be anywhere. Creative ecstasy. Brilliant fire bursting in vision. All
throbbing in tune with inner pulse . . . which is one with All. Electric
nerves flow from self out into cosmos. Can feel pulse of Eternity
running through body. Drug has removed barrier of ego—Reality
comes through, or is rather freed from outer restraint and pollution,
so as to be clear, transparent and vivid with light and fire. Hand is
writing furiously—feel power to leap over any impediment. (Note
added later: Handwriting at this point was actually more decisive and
well formed than normally.) Fewer to project myself in Divine creative
act. Have never before been whipped to such a frenzy of ecstatic
God-like joy and positivity. Everything is outgoing affirmation of
light and generation. Thoughts pouring out like molten lava. Body is
luminescent mass of primal substance. Oh the joy of it!
3:55: Notice have neglected to toke antidote. Hand is hollow cave
from whence issues green luminescence. Am hungry. Tremendous
physical will. See all instincts such as hunger personified as cosmic
necessities, all pert of Life. Physical symptoms: difficulty speaking,
mouth gelatinous and sticky. Perceptions as if drunk, but mind very
clear. Only have to give pencil a nudge with brain and it writes by itself.
(Note added later: I recall only moving pencil across paper, “wiggling”
it up and down. The letters formed themselves automatically in
obedience to my intention, but quite without conscious effort of a
motor sort.) Great intellectual strength (imagined?). Perhaps ability
to function normally will be impaired if I try.
4:00: Taking 300 mg. niaclnamide to objectively test situation. All
colors in other room burst in vivid splendor. This is maximum degree
of psychic consciousness—change that I have ever experienced. It is
hard to write (as a conscious effort): hand looks odd doing it for me.
Mind clear but flesh weak.
4:15: Talking to wife maintains perfect contact with reality. If I pause
for a moment, I instantly relapse on my very feet into withdrawn,
visionary state. Had glass of punch. Red liquid in plastic glass, with
deep blue flowers on sides: Color so divine it almost makes one
weep! Never saw colors so vivid and eidetic, even under mescaline.
Face flushed; sweaty skin. Eyes dilated.
To 5:15: Listened to Mahler’s third symphony, last movement. Vision
of absolute sublimity, peace, splendor. Colors of wallpaper seemed
indescribably rich and mellow; ceiling of mother-of-pearl and silver.
Walls of silver and maroon flowers. Like lying in a magic cavern,
lower end of which opens onto mysterious and beautiful casements.
All pervaded with sense of rich, peaceful harmony. Little trickles of
water flow between flowers on walls; all breathe and pulse. Every line
of music corresponds to inner emotional flux. Mere physical reality
of a rectangular room is a splendid reality beyond comprehension.
5:20: Little effect, if any, from niacin. Still no anxiety, could go on for
eternity. Perhaps slight lessening of intensity of state. This first sign
of decline. Physical effects as strong, but vivid period definitely past.
Mental effects losing luster and novelty. Mood corresponds to sunset
grey, but no apprehension, only approaching zero-grade affections.
Tendency to withdraw still pronounced.
Wallpaper flowers ripple and undulate on waves of water. Muscular
tension has become rather tiresome; feeling of body-fatigue.
5:35: Took 50 mg. Thorazine orally. Don’t believe niacins enough
to completely alleviate symptoms, although it has definitely (!)
contributed much to restoring normal contact with reality (LSD
syndrome has lost its dynamic effects, but retains passive physical
symptoms of lessened perceptual acuity). Colors have lost inner glow.
Greater ease in establishing contact with outer world.
5:45: Psychic disturbances virtually completely gone. Only muscular
tension and tiredness remains. (Thorazine has not yet had time to
act. The above state due to niacine).
6:15: Normal state returning fast. Nerves beginning to relax under
Thorazine. Mental state clear. Overall feeling of drunkenness, except
for thought clarity. Ate dinner.
To 7:15: Listening to Strauss’s Arabella by Christmas-tree lights.
Branches still move slowly. Recreated palpably the sensation
of Christmas as knew it in childhood—all this so real as to be
unbelievable. Have not known this for twenty-five years. Whole
epoch of Old Vienna was real and present. (Note added later: This
corresponded to a fancy experienced in actual childhood at about
eleven years of age.) Childhood fantasies relived.
7:45: Perfect normality at public affair.
12:10: Ate lunch.
12:20: First physical symptoms; slight dizziness, weakness, mild
anxiety, narrowing of vision.
12:30: Definite signs of drug action. Ability to withdraw (into Self)
already beginning. Weakness of fingers while writing
.
12:45: Euphoria becoming pronounced.
1:05: Effects intense euphoria to consider in full course. Colors seem
more intense, bright, upon changing scene. (One adjusts gradually to
surroundings so as not to notice extra value of sensory perceptions.
Sudden change, however, is filled with novelty.)
1:15 to 1:40: Erotic sensations. Intense euphoria.
1:40: Took additional 25 mcg. Lysergic acid diethyl amide. Perceptual
changes very slight. Occasional pulse in wallpaper. Mostly withdrawn
state. Colors sometimes have halo. Things in periphery of vision seem
at times phosphorescent. Time seems to slightly lose meaning. Am
aware of time, yet it seems suspended and meaningless.
2:20: Very intense symptoms, euphoria. Still very little perceptual
changes, though all has a new beauty. White things have a violet
aura. Had “electric feelings” (noises and muscular twitchings . . .
all statically charged); slight parenthesis. Bizarre imagination. Can
“daydream” odd phantasmagoria. Ability to withdraw marked.
Slight brown-orange glow about fingers as I write. ** Produced
first hallucinations as burst of colored crystals, which subsided into a
whirling band of color, gradually coming to rest (Synaesthesia).
2:30: First kaleidoscopic color visions with eyes closed. Brilliant,
fantastic daydreams. Molten colors, lights, geometric forms. People
play a large part in visions. Brilliant pantomime gestures; flow of
color and matter. Still easy to return to normal if desire. No anxiety
whatsoever. Body tense.
To 3:15: Extraordinary vision of life, all pulsing with fire—Heraclitean
ultimate reality. Was one with cosmos; felt inner being radiant with
heat of a million suns. Cosmic dance. Became personified in human
forms. Persons then gradually became younger, as I regressed back
through womb, became one with eternal slime and sexual generation.
Was surrounded with swimming sperm-like animals. Felt self rising
through earth into new plants. Was one with all life and Being? Was
God, in God; slime of eternal fire bursting through everything. Pulse
of existence shattered into billion sparks of divine creative ecstasy.
Indescribable religious revelation. Am color, breath, substance of
million warm faces in vision. Some other hand writes. I merely look
on from Parnassus height. Oh! Beyond description! If other foolish
swine could know! Tongues of flame impressed upon every pulsating,
crystalline surface of Zenhaiku reality. Poem! Warm sex-beauty, loving
contours of life in every solid substance, yielding themselves blissfully
to each wave of undulating creativity. 3:40: Anxiety that children
will soon return. Am at height of ecstasy. Wonder—should I take
antidote to see how it works at such a peak? Fingernails look daubed
with red paint. Dynamic quality of vision imparted to everything in
room. This could go deeper. If I were L**, I’d be frightened. But I’m
myself, and my metaphysical enlightenment leads me to embrace this
chaotic vision of everything being drawn into the vortex of fire and
flame. This is ultimate reality. God!? I am God!
3:45: For scientific reasons, I will now take antidote, although I
don’t personally require one. Can hear crickets chirping—am back
in childhood scene—Summer evening—this most unusual! I’m just
getting hang of really projecting myself into past. Can dream anything,
be anywhere. Creative ecstasy. Brilliant fire bursting in vision. All
throbbing in tune with inner pulse . . . which is one with All. Electric
nerves flow from self out into cosmos. Can feel pulse of Eternity
running through body. Drug has removed barrier of ego—Reality
comes through, or is rather freed from outer restraint and pollution,
so as to be clear, transparent and vivid with light and fire. Hand is
writing furiously—feel power to leap over any impediment. (Note
added later: Handwriting at this point was actually more decisive and
well formed than normally.) Fewer to project myself in Divine creative
act. Have never before been whipped to such a frenzy of ecstatic
God-like joy and positivity. Everything is outgoing affirmation of
light and generation. Thoughts pouring out like molten lava. Body is
luminescent mass of primal substance. Oh the joy of it!
3:55: Notice have neglected to toke antidote. Hand is hollow cave
from whence issues green luminescence. Am hungry. Tremendous
physical will. See all instincts such as hunger personified as cosmic
necessities, all pert of Life. Physical symptoms: difficulty speaking,
mouth gelatinous and sticky. Perceptions as if drunk, but mind very
clear. Only have to give pencil a nudge with brain and it writes by itself.
(Note added later: I recall only moving pencil across paper, “wiggling”
it up and down. The letters formed themselves automatically in
obedience to my intention, but quite without conscious effort of a
motor sort.) Great intellectual strength (imagined?). Perhaps ability
to function normally will be impaired if I try.
4:00: Taking 300 mg. niaclnamide to objectively test situation. All
colors in other room burst in vivid splendor. This is maximum degree
of psychic consciousness—change that I have ever experienced. It is
hard to write (as a conscious effort): hand looks odd doing it for me.
Mind clear but flesh weak.
4:15: Talking to wife maintains perfect contact with reality. If I pause
for a moment, I instantly relapse on my very feet into withdrawn,
visionary state. Had glass of punch. Red liquid in plastic glass, with
deep blue flowers on sides: Color so divine it almost makes one
weep! Never saw colors so vivid and eidetic, even under mescaline.
Face flushed; sweaty skin. Eyes dilated.
To 5:15: Listened to Mahler’s third symphony, last movement. Vision
of absolute sublimity, peace, splendor. Colors of wallpaper seemed
indescribably rich and mellow; ceiling of mother-of-pearl and silver.
Walls of silver and maroon flowers. Like lying in a magic cavern,
lower end of which opens onto mysterious and beautiful casements.
All pervaded with sense of rich, peaceful harmony. Little trickles of
water flow between flowers on walls; all breathe and pulse. Every line
of music corresponds to inner emotional flux. Mere physical reality
of a rectangular room is a splendid reality beyond comprehension.
5:20: Little effect, if any, from niacin. Still no anxiety, could go on for
eternity. Perhaps slight lessening of intensity of state. This first sign
of decline. Physical effects as strong, but vivid period definitely past.
Mental effects losing luster and novelty. Mood corresponds to sunset
grey, but no apprehension, only approaching zero-grade affections.
Tendency to withdraw still pronounced.
Wallpaper flowers ripple and undulate on waves of water. Muscular
tension has become rather tiresome; feeling of body-fatigue.
5:35: Took 50 mg. Thorazine orally. Don’t believe niacins enough
to completely alleviate symptoms, although it has definitely (!)
contributed much to restoring normal contact with reality (LSD
syndrome has lost its dynamic effects, but retains passive physical
symptoms of lessened perceptual acuity). Colors have lost inner glow.
Greater ease in establishing contact with outer world.
5:45: Psychic disturbances virtually completely gone. Only muscular
tension and tiredness remains. (Thorazine has not yet had time to
act. The above state due to niacine).
6:15: Normal state returning fast. Nerves beginning to relax under
Thorazine. Mental state clear. Overall feeling of drunkenness, except
for thought clarity. Ate dinner.
To 7:15: Listening to Strauss’s Arabella by Christmas-tree lights.
Branches still move slowly. Recreated palpably the sensation
of Christmas as knew it in childhood—all this so real as to be
unbelievable. Have not known this for twenty-five years. Whole
epoch of Old Vienna was real and present. (Note added later: This
corresponded to a fancy experienced in actual childhood at about
eleven years of age.) Childhood fantasies relived.
7:45: Perfect normality at public affair.
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